


Daffodils Who Know

by 27tattoos



Series: It Feels So Much Lighter [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A little, Alternate Universe, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rehab, Trigger Warnings, but only for like two sentences at the beginning, idk i can't tag worth shit, the rest is literally just fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 00:03:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4981909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27tattoos/pseuds/27tattoos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry wants to get better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Daffodils Who Know

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So. I finally wrote a sequel to this. The idea's been in my head forever but I've never actually done it, until I accidentally drank too much caffeine and wrote this in two hours. It's probably a mess.
> 
> This is partly inspired by a character from Marya Hornbacher's The Center of Winter named Esau. Read it. It's a great book.
> 
> Also, I highly recommend reading Part One first so yknow what's going on, but whatevs, you do you *peace sign emoji*

_"…daffodils (who know  
the goal of living is to grow) _

_— e. e. cummings_

It's pretty much always cold.

It's cold in Harry's room. His toes freeze even though he wears socks and two blankets when he sleeps. He's recently been suspecting that no amount of blankets will do because he's cold in his heart.

Sometimes he thinks about going back to cutting. His ex-acto knife is at the bottom of a pair of sneakers buried in his suitcase that is hidden in the closet. But he doesn't actually do it, not ever. Sometimes it's just relaxing to think about it. 

The morning bell that always rings right at 8 A.M. is too loud in Harry's ears. He shuffles around under his two blankets and swings his legs over the bed. His toes feel like they're going to freeze over. He doesn't think he would mind.

In about three minutes, his supervisor Amy is going to knock on his door to make sure he's up. He sits in silence while waiting, his bony legs swinging back and forth. He plays a little bit with his hair, which has grown out quite a bit since he first got here. Sometimes he likes to run his fingers through it or braid it. 

Eventually Amy knocks and smiles and Harry gets dressed for the day (a new pair of socks and a pale-green gown) and heads to breakfast and chews on doughy pancakes while he figures math equations in his head. His therapist told him the math equations, while at first harmless, are now distractions for something bigger. Harry might agree. But he likes doing them, so he won't stop. They're comforting because the answer is always something solid. 

For example, take the simple equation 2x+7=27. Once you subtract seven and divide by two you get ten, and that's the answer and there will never be another answer. That's it. Harry told his therapist about the scary equations, the ones like 2x+7=2x+7. He hates those because 7=7 and that means that any number ever could be x and he hates trying to pick an answer because what if he picks the wrong one. His therapist says it's an irrational fear. 

Whatever, Harry doesn't care. She always has lipstick on her teeth so what does she know, anyway?

He finishes breakfast and then he heads to his room to read. He doesn't like going to the laundry room anymore since Louis left.

That's what he does most days. Wake up, meal, read, meal, meeting with therapist, sometimes group, meal, read, sleep. Some days if he's feeling adventurous he'll join crafts, but not often.

But tomorrow will be different, he thinks as he settles under the covers and makes sure his feet are completely covered. Tomorrow will be different because it's Christmas Day and that means Mum and Gem will visit.

Harry loves them. He misses them. Sometimes he gets angry because they don't visit a lot but then he remembers that traveling all the way from their home in Holmes Chapel to here is expensive. He wonders sometimes if they forget about him. And then he always hits himself after thinking that because of course they miss him, of course they love him. Just sometimes they can't make it.

Harry reminds himself that over and over again when Amy knocks on his door after dinner and sits gently on his bed and tells him "I'm so sorry, Harry, but your mum and Gemma can't make it through all the snow" and hugs him while he cries. He tells himself that they love him instead of doing equations because he's trying so hard to get better.

So now, it's the afternoon of Christmas and Harry lies in bed, alone, staring out the window at the falling snow, expression blank. He wonders if Mum and Gemma have opened their presents yet because his family always sleeps in Christmas morning.

He hears a knock on his door and turns around stiffly. Amy's head pokes in, a smile on her face. Harry doesn't know what there is to be happy about.

His bed creaks as he sits up and croaks, "what?" His voice feels new and scratchy like he hasn't used it in days, even though he spoke to Amy last night.

Amy is giddy when she answers. "You have a visitor." And then she opens the door and moves away and Harry gasps. It's Louis.

It's _Louis_.

"Hi," Louis says, tentative as he steps inside Harry's room. All Harry can do is fish mouth, and he can't think of a _single_ equation because Louis promised he'd see him again but Harry didn't think he was being serious.

Louis looks so clean and healthy now, his body wrapped in a winter coat and the beanie on his head covered in melting snowflakes. His eyes are clear and his hair soft and his skin is so pretty it hurts Harry's eyes. His posture and stance look strong and full of confidence, and Harry wants to hug this new Louis so bad.

So he does. He springs off the bed and barrels straight into the boy's arms and he does. 

They hug for a while, not saying anything, content to just press against each other. Harry thinks he hears Amy close the door which is great because he wants to kiss Louis so bad he thinks he might die with it. 

Louis pulls back from their embrace and tucks a stray curl behind Harry's ear. "Your hair is so long," he whispers. Harry missed his voice so much.

He bites his lip. "Do you like it?"

Louis smiles. "I love it." He leans forward and their lips meet.

Harry had forgotten how much he loves Louis' kisses. He kisses firm, and sweet, and takes his time, almost like Harry is an equation he is trying to figure out. It makes Harry weak-kneed.

Louis pulls away just as things get heated, a lovely pink blush tinting his cheeks. "Happy Christmas, Hazza. I'm taking you out with me on a little adventure."

Harry laughs and kisses Louis again, wrapping his arms around his waist to squeeze at hips that are so much softer now that Louis eats. A pleasant ache fills him. He hasn't been outside in a long, long time.

"Wonderful. I love you."

"I love you too," Louis says with a fond grin, taking Harry's hand and leading him to the closet. "Come on, let's get you properly dressed, love. It's cold outside."

So Louis helps Harry get dressed in jeans and a heavy jacket and a beanie (and maybe they fool around for a minute or two or twenty, but that is _classified_ information) and then he checks Harry out at the front desk and takes him outside and they drive far away into the city. Louis says he has lots of things to show Harry.

As they drive with the radio playing some soft-sounding number Louis knows all the words to, Harry remembers how much he missed Outside. The air is clean and the snow is beautiful and there's a certain charm in the atmosphere that makes it impossible for Harry to hate anything. Despite the wintery chill, Harry can't help feeling warm inside.

They arrive into the city and they mostly drive around since every place is closed. They have fun though. Louis switches to a Christmas station and they laugh and sing and critique passing stores' Christmas decorations. Harry hasn't enjoyed himself this much in a while.

Once it's nearing evening, they find a tiny drive-thru that's open and order a plate of cheese fries to share (Harry glances at Louis to make sure it's okay, but Louis assures him he's great and they eat happily, even though Louis chews too slowly) and sit cuddled together in the car. Harry had climbed into Louis' lap some time ago, and now their arms and legs are tangled and Harry's toes are toasty warm. 

They do fool around a bit more, but it's much more mild this time around since they're so boneless and sated together. It's mostly wet neck kisses and the occasional brush of hands against thighs. Louis looks unbelievably cute, his nose and cheeks pink and his fringe falling down from his beanie. Harry wants to stay here and kiss him forever. 

"I missed you so much," Louis says while playing with Harry's fingers. "Things have been a lot easier and a lot harder since I left that place."

Harry hums and buries himself further into Louis' coat, nuzzling his chest like a kitten. He listens to the rise and fall of Louis' breaths before there's a sharp sigh.

"So I guess the loaded question is are you doing better, Harry?"

Harry debates on whether or not he should lie, but he can't lie to Louis. Never. "In some ways yes and in some ways no. Remember how I told you doing math helps me stay calm?"

Louis nods, a concerned look in his eyes. 

"Well, my therapist tells me it's time to give it up."

"Oh, baby," Louis breathes, wrapping his arm around Harry's shoulder and drawing him closer. Harry wishes Louis was there to sleep with him at night. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so cold.

"Remember what you said to me the day we first met?"

Harry thinks for a moment. He remembers walking into the lunchroom and laying eyes on a pale, frightened, pretty boy and he remembers feeling a strong urge to go and help him. He was in such a haze being in the vicinity of someone so beautiful that he can't quite remember what words were exchanged.

Louis continues on. "I was trying to eat that plate of meatballs and you told me that I didn't have to eat meat if I didn't want to. That has stuck with me ever since I left, Harry," he says sincerely, tracing a thumb down Harry's jaw. "I always think, what if I didn't eat those meatballs? Would I have ever recovered fully? I'm okay with meat now. Some days I even enjoy it. So maybe that one push of me eating them was what got me started on my recovery.

"Maybe that's what you need, sweetheart," Louis whispers as he presses a kiss to Harry's forehead. "Maybe to get a little push, you need to give that part of you up. Maybe you need to let go."

Harry closes his eyes. Expressions float through his head. 2x, 189, 14/5, 6.2391, 5x/237... He begins to solve them. Then they disappear. 

Maybe Louis is right.

"Okay," Harry whispers, dropping a kiss onto Louis' shoulder. "Okay. Okay. I will."

Louis smiles. Harry can feel how proud he is. "There's one more place I want to take you before you go back, babe. Get back in your seat."

Harry untangles himself from his boy and settles back into his seat, and they drive for a few more minutes before Louis tells him to cover his eyes.

Harry pouts and Louis giggles. "Come on love, just do it!"

So Harry covers his eyes and they drive on. Another few short minutes and the car jerks as Louis parks it.

Harry feels Louis' hot breath on his ear when he whispers, "open your eyes."

He does, and it's a Christmas tree. A giant one. Covered in tinsel and glitter and ornaments and banners and lit up like a rainbow. It looks gorgeous and festive and Harry is filled to the very brim with happiness.

"I have a present for you," Louis announces, reaching into his coat pocket. Harry grins and turns, eager, but his face drops when he realizes what Louis is holding.

"It's a card from Gem and your mum," Louis says while Harry stares, "I visited them on the way up here. They told me to be careful of the snow and to give this to you."

Harry almost crumples as he reaches forward to take the card, feeling like he's holding something priceless. He can tell now, that it's from his family. He could recognize their handwriting anywhere. He feels so overjoyed as he opens it that he starts to cry.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Louis says gently, pressing his hands to Harry's cheeks. "I went to Holmes Chapel one night because I was drunk out of my mind and missed you. I literally went knocking door to door to try and find you and found them instead. I've been talking to them a lot. They miss you."

They climb into the car and Louis drives back. Harry holds Louis' hand over the console and reads the card, happy tears clinging to his eyelashes. He's read it word-for-word five times by the time they get back.

He tucks the card into his coat pocket as Louis pulls up to the building. He and Louis kiss for a while, slow and sweet and warm, before Harry pulls away and opens the car door. "I love you," he says. "See you soon," Louis replies back. It feels like a promise. Walking to the door, Harry feels invincible.

The ladies at the front door coddle him when he enters, asking him how it went and scolding him for staying out so late. Harry says that he is sorry and also it was the best date he's ever been on. Amy appears by his side and smiles as she leads him into his bedroom.

He rambles on about Louis and the card and the tree as Amy helps him get undressed and brush his teeth. There's a small smile on her face by the time he's finished talking and tucked into bed. Harry thinks he'll miss her when he gets better.

"That sounds amazing, Harry. I'm glad you had a nice time," she says. "Night." She leaves and closes the door and Harry's room is submerged in darkness, save for the falling snow outside his window.

Harry can't contain his grin as he goes to read the card one last time, before he notices some writing on the back. Curious, he turns it around, and his face splits open with a smile.

_Always in my heart, Harry Styles. Yours sincerely, Louis_

He tucks the card under his pillow and runs his fingers over it. As he falls asleep, all math equations in his head are replaced by Louis' eyes.

_~Fin~_

**Author's Note:**

> i listened to green eyes by coldplay while writing this rip
> 
> you can find me on tumblr at winterlouie if you wanna chat :)


End file.
